I think I've experienced this....

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.




A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.



A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

I need to stop fighting what is... I need to stop fighting reality.  I refuse to accept that undesirable situations will define my reality.  One day I will have infinite love and abundance.  Success will come.  I turn away from the world around me and turn to the world within me... shut out images of the past and erase hopes of the future, to offer a clearing for transformation and creation. 

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. "



— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

I have tried for something... I accept the reality of the decisions I made, they were my own.  I accept that the life I have is a result of those decisions.  As much as I 'didn't' want things to happen, I chose the possibility of them happening.  My life is a product of my decisions, whether good or bad.... it doesn't matter, it just is. There's nothing wrong with it, its not right or wrong, good or bad, it's just what I have.  Not all wise decisions, but who has had all wise decisions?  I don't know of anyone. Everyone follows their heart from time to time and not their head.  I think that is the biggest problem in my life... is I've often flown blind by the feelings of my heart instead of the logic of my head. 
I keep wondering how I ended up here and then I think, where else would I have ended up, given the decisions I've made?  I'm sad Shyanne moved out... it scares me... she's been my constant for the last 18 almost 19 years... what do you do when that is gone?  She was my right arm, granted the last couple of years my right arm has been kind of gimp, but it was still there... it still served a purpose... now... she's just gone... I'm still in shock... She may or may not go to Kentucky this summer with Shae, it's hard to tell right now.  I feel like I'm losing everything... my family, my home, my foundation, my mind..... I feel like everything I've tried to build back up after last years tornado, is just gone, it was all for nothing... I'm worse off now than I was then.  It bites.  But things seem to be biting all over the place.
I don't know from one day to the next what is going to happen with my life, my kids, my future, my job.... I want a home... Something no one can take away from us, some place we can put down roots and stop being Gypsies...  Someday....