All that and a bag of chips...

So much going on lately and I just have no desire to deal with any of it.... doesn't seem to change the fact that things are changing and being in denial doesn't stop that.  I have crazy schedules, Shyanne up and moved out on us without so much as a word... so there went my babysitter for the boys for the rest of the year.... had to make some fast adjustments to make sure they were taken care of, and I still haven't ironed out all the kinks... there are somedays I don't think even wonderwoman could figure this stuff out, everyone and their schedules and places and things to do and appointments, it's a nightmare trying to get everyone everywhere and still work and not be late... I'll be glad to take a break from that for a little while at least.
My FMLA just got approved for my surgery.... another thing that needs to be done but I'm not looking forward to it.  I never realized how much impact back pain can have on a person.. besides the obvious, it's changed my walk, my stance, my sitting, my balance... I'm much more clumsy now and that's a bit irritating because I'm not normally a clumsy person.  I don't just run into doorways and corners but I do now even when I think I've given myself plenty of room... I sit at work as long as I can, and I stand long as I can.... it hurts either way... so even with as scared as I am to have it, I'll be glad to be out of the chronic pain.  While there are two herniated disks we're just removing one, then doing rods and screws in my back along with a pseudo disk in place of where my sick disk is.  Thats one thing I just never wanted to mess with, my back and my heart... the rest of the stuff, well whatever, but you mess with the spinal column and the heart you're kind of screwed if they mess up and I really haven't had the best of luck with doctors lately. 
But anyway that will give me 6-8 weeks of recovery time, time to save up for a new apartment, get things in order, find child care and figure out how to pay for it all by myself, with the departure of Shyanne went the departure of the disability payment which had been a huge help in paying my rent, viewed it as child support but that is no longer.... the grim realtiy of my financial situation is hitting me pretty hard and it sucks...
I don't know how people do it?  I have customers who haven't worked in years and have no countable income and they are still surviving and I don't get how....
Oye...
So much stuff.... growing very tired of stuff.... it may be nice to have some time of, even if I am immobilized for a bit... I'll be in the hospital for 4 days and mom is taking the twins for that week, just taking them out of school, probably not the best idea but my only option. So 4 days with no kids.... do I know how to party or what?