Duct, Duct, Duct.... Tape!

I suppose that's my version of duck duck goose..... or it just sounds like a lovely game in general to play with the kids.  Oh my beloved boys.... How can one woman be so blessed and feel so cursed at the same time?  I have brilliant, wonderful, charming, handsome sons... but boy oh boy oh boy... they come with an attitude.
Now being the mother of a teenage boy is relatively new to me,  I did have James for awhile but well he was exceptional... and I didn't have him until he was 15.  So the whole teenager thing from tween to full fledged teen is scary territory and I'm not liking it so far. Maybe its the difference between a teen girl (which I was one) and a teen boy (which I know very little about). 
Anyway I have only been successful in completely pissing this boy off every single day, he's miserable and hates me.  That's good right?  Means I'm doing my job?  So in trying to diffuse some of his language in the house and create a nicer more peaceful home, and after many attempts in enrolling him in to creating something new for himself and our him, I had to kind of go around the back way and enroll his brothers... Now, mind you they just turned 7 and are feeling uber mature and responsible and want to do all the things that 7 year olds do... so between the 3 of us, we conspired and concocted a fool-proof plan that if nothing else would hopefully cease the negative language in the home spewed out by the said 'teen boy'.  So the idea of our plan is that when not so flattering comments come their way, the twins would respond in absolute positivity.... complimenting him or finding something positive to say no matter how random.  We'll see, I'm desperate and it's worth a shot... right?
So I come home from work the other day right in the midst if a barrage of name calling from said 'teen boy' to the twins and not seeing the twins and after the pause in negativity I hear, yelled as loud as he can, Gavyn yelling "YOU'RE AWESOME!"  It's better than nothing... and after that I hear..... silence..... situation one diffused, a million to go....
Once again I'm finding myself without a computer, being the twins were throwing a football in the house and knocked over a drink near my laptop, fortunately I have learned my lesson here and bought the accident insurance so they'll fix it no charge, but it does take 2-3 weeks... :(  and of course this always happens during my finals.  So I have to figure out how I'm going to complete an 8 pg paper and all of the associated reading by midnight tonight.
Mom is trying to talk me out of going on my vacation, my Birthday Vacation, first time in a bazillion years that I've actually planned something special for my birthday... I can't remember the last time anyone really ever did anything for my birthday, it was always easy for people to overlook it, bypass it.... or just let me take care of it myself... fun huh?  so this year I'm not waiting for anyone to do anything, I'm tired of not being a priority for anyone for the last 15+ years... I'm making myself a priority and I'm going to do something nice for myself that no one has ever done for me and probably will never do.... I'm going on a real vacation.  I haven't totally locked in the destination yet but that's coming up soon.  I'm not cancelling it because my kid is being a brat or because I feel guilty about going.  I've earned this, I've worked my ass off this last year to just keep my head above water and I've done it.... by the time I leave it will have been a year since the fit hit the sham.... and I made it.... a year ago, I didn't want to make it, was convinced I couldn't make it, didn't even want to try... This year I'm celebrating this being my last year of what I would sum up as a horrible decade! Celebrating the fact I still have life... that I'm still living and not just that but living on my terms, by my rules....
I may not have everything or everyone I want in my life, but right now I'm whole just as I am.  I am no longer half of a whole, I am complete, I am a whole parent not a handicap parent because there is only one of me.... I am a whole person even though I'm not the wife I always wanted to be, We're a whole family just as we are.... nothing to complete, nothing missing.... always room for more to compliment and to love but entirely complete with just the 5 of us.  And for the first time in my life, I'm ok with that.  So my kids don't have a dad... that's ok.... they have me.  
I'm soooo tired now I'm nodding off at work... and need to get to work actually working, and then homeworking.... been up too late assisting at the Landmark Forums now that my seminar is over... I'm taking the advanced course but not until September, so until then I'm assisting on a seminar that runs from now until may being the recorder and tracking the stats and calling them into Denver to