I just noticed that I rarely use people's names .... I don't call friends or acquaintences by name, rarely do I give them nicknames or pet names, think Shae was the only one that ever had a nickname that stuck for awhile... I've never had a nickname or 'pet name' so-to-speak, at least one that's worth mentioning and not considered a bad word by my kids. I think i grew a general dislike for my name due to its overwhelming popularity in the early 70's and the fact that anytime anyone ever said it, it sounded like a swear word and it was never a good sign if someone called you by name... felt that way with my parents and both husbands...
Maybe because of the holidays or maybe because I'm single again and I tend to notice everything couples do, I found myself noticing that while everyone is calling everyone honey and sweetie and cupcakes and all of their little love names... I have never done that... ever.... I think I have my gereric 'honey' but that's it, and not only have I not ever done the pet/nicknames, I avoid using the names they were actually given... even to my kids.
No wonder no one pays attention to me! They have no idea who I'm even talking too half the time. I don't even answer to my name anymore, simply because there is another 'Heather' that is a cubical down from me so I always assume they're talking to her... if they're talking to me they throw something...there's the ex-girlfriend Heather and the friend Heather and the other Heather, the old Heather, the prior Heather, there are so many Heather's and Mom's that I don't listen to any of them, now it's all about non-verbal communication people actually have to physically grab my attention because my auditory system has shut out those two words specifically. If I could re-name myself I would... I don't know to what... but just something a little different without the history.
I just find it a bit odd that I've spent years not calling my in-laws anything because I was uncomfortable calling them Mom and Dad because they weren't my mom and dad but didn't feel quite right calling them by their first names, seemed a bit disrespectful. So I've really not called them anything... how weird is that? I think I've done that with both sets of in-laws now.
I detest name tags, I think I prefer anonymity. I don't know... it's just odd... I wonder why I do that? I call the kids by their names. I've got my mom and dad and Scott and Vivian and my sister and 'her husband'.... I don't feel like I have the right to use a persons first name unless I know them, is that something maybe I was taught? I don't usually buy the 'pet names' that have been given to me, because some people use them so loosely they don't mean anything... anyone is a honey or sweetie or dear... I get that all the time on the phones... it's not endearing when I'm on the phones with strangers and they say that to me... doesn't mean much more when someone I care about uses those terms as well because I know they use them on everyone.
I don't even get to be the only Heather in a lot of their lives... I get to pick a number...
I use to think the term or pet name 'angel' was special, that's what my dad use to call my mom... but that got tainted recently and I never want to be called that again... by anyone.
So why is it I have a name issue? Am I making something out of nothing? but it's so true when I look back and the lengths I go through to avoid having to call someone by their name or worse have a pet name... I think I always wanted a nickname... loved watching people in love come up with their cute little nick names for one another... But I always felt retarding trying it on myself... it didn't fit, sounded silly or insincere coming from me. I was much to realistic to be someone's pookie or boo...
Just found it peculiar....
Had a song come on yesterday that got me thinking about it. Funny how a song can bring back all sorts of memories, even the ugly ones.... it was a song that I could honestly go the rest of my life without hearing again but I did think it was a very romantic song once upon a time... a long time ago.......
Anyway enough of my stalling, I need sleep... or at least something resembling down time... I think I have too much time in my head... not good....
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