Really?

What is it about January that brings out the absolute worst in people... their sensitivities, the negativity,  the self-loathing and depression?  Couldn't possibly be the lack of sunshine, warm weather, the ability to do things outdoors and the let-down of the holidays that quit being magical when we were 8, could it? 

There is always something dismal and depressing that hangs over the heads of people in January... it's a lonesomeness, hopelessness, a black pit that nothing fills, no matter what you do or where you are... Everything dramatic seems exaggerated in January... In February, there seems to be that light at the end of the tunnel again, the hopes of love expressed on Valentines day and knowing that spring is right around the corner, but that is not the case in January.
I see so many people struggle... I see the sadness and despair, the hopelessness and the sense of being completely lost right where they are.  Maybe I'm more aware of others because I see it in myself.  I try, I really try to remain optimistic but it's so hard when you don't see the sun for days, there's little to look forward too other than the same old routine, day after day after day.  I watch my friends and it hurts me... I want to help them, I want to be a ray of sunshine in all of this fog, but how can I do that when I'm lost in the fog as well... I would rather that I was the only one lost in the fog than being joined by all of my friends.
All I can say now is, we made it... we made it through 2010, which has to be in some kind of record book for one of the worst years ever!  We made it through the holidays, many of us alone for the first times in our lives.  We made it through the new year, even without the kiss at midnight... even if we slept through it, we still made it.  This year... this year has to be different... we have to have some kind of hope.  The bad stuff, honestly can't get worse... really... we've already lost our loved ones, lost our families and dreams and possessions, kids and possibilities.... and we survived. 
Now... we create... this will be the year of creation... the year we invent our new lives, the year we decide how we want to live, not wait for others to decide how we're going to live and how....We finally take our lives and run them instead of letting them run us... we choose to be happy and not let someone else decide that for us. 
My friends, you know who you are... I love you all... we will get through this, we will survive, and we will create new lives... it's not lost, it's not over, there are so many things worth living for.  So much more work to be done, many more lives to touch and so many lives we already touch and don't even realize it.  We can't leave things undone.... Things need to be complete.  You won't ever be alone, not in spirit anyway.  There isn't anything I wouldn't do for any of you.  You know that.  Whatever battle you may face, you're never alone. 
The next person that says 'He didn't say it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it" or "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is going to get punched in the face.  Honestly... how much crap do we really have to go through?  We are good people... loving people, honest and loyal... just trying to be that, just trying to be good parents, and good spouses and friends... why does it have to always be such a damn battle?  Honestly...
I have a plaque on in my living room that says something like 'Sometimes God calms the storm, but sometimes God lets the storm rage and calms his child'.   I think we're in this storm my friends... either waited for the storm to be calmed or ourselves. Looking for validation in our lives, to know it's not pointless, that it means something.
We all just want to be loved, and be able to love... it's actually quite a simple concept if others would knock of the dramatics.  None of us are perfect, and we are so perfectly imperfect just the way we are.  There's nothing wrong or incomplete with being imperfect, that's the human condition.  We're going to say stupid things, thoughtlessly that hurt others feelings or annoy them, we're going to do stupid things that endanger ourselves or scare others because of our lack of regard for our own safety.... We're going to be stupid... and yes we're going to continue to be human....
Tomorrow is always another day.  Next week if full of new possibilities... hell so is tomorrow... if today sucked... go to bed, start fresh in the morning.... it's got to get better someday right?  It can't go on forever and ever like this right?  One of us has to catch a break somewhere.... or better yet, we all can create our break... envision how we want our lives to be and strive for that.  We need to unshackle ourselves from the burdens of the past that we drag around with us... as long as we keep those burdens with us we will never truly be free to create a new future because we'll always be dealing with the past in our present... that's no way to open up new possibilities for our future. 
We're good people, you all are so important to me... more than you'll ever know.  You're all just as human as I am... you all have a place in life and a significance that no one can fill but you... you have family and kids and friends that love, admire and respect you.  They need you around... you're so much more valuable than you will ever know.
If no one has told you today, let me be the first, you're an amazing person and I so admire you!  My life wouldn't be the same without you.  The world wouldn't be the same without you... please always remember that when the fog rolls in and you haven't seen the sun for days... find the sun in your heart and your head and trudge on... you'll find you're place in the sun... we all will... even if it feels like it will never happen and you're doomed to live in this stupid soap opera you've created called your life... once you let that go, and once you are really free, you'll find your place... you'll make your place and find your piece of the sun, that's just yours and that will never go away, and that no one can take from you.
You are my rays of sunshine, even with all the drama and heartache... you give me hope, you make me feel needed and important and like I have something valuable to offer... even if it's just listening... that's how I want it, that's what I want to be for you... never ever think you're a bother or I don't have time... that's my game... that's the game I play with all of you... I'll try not to do that as well...
Good night my friends and family.... I love you all... and together there isn't anything we can't do.  We all have each others backs whether we know it or not, I believe that that's the kind of people we have surrounded ourselves with... the same kind of people we are.  I guess it not only takes a village to raise a child but it takes a village to raise adults... I can indeed say that I'm still learning about life everyday and probably will until the day I die... so see we all need that support, that safety net and if we don't have it with our families we should have it with our friends... after all, our friends are just the family we got to pick out ourselves... something to be said about that....