I just can't seem to get this right.... Mr Wrong, Mr Wrong, Mr Wrong, Mr Asshole, excuse the french... I just don't know what it is about me that brings out the best in men.... so have it be known, I'm done, finished, retired. Just gonna raise my kids and live my life. I'm tired of the pouting, the drinking, the drama, the fits.... the expectations on my children.... its all crap.
Steve left without so much as a goodbye to the twins, that love him so much, and were so excited to see him again and wanted to invite him to everything.... they adore him and not so much as a see u later, probably because he won't... not putting them through that again. They know he's not their bio dad, but they love him.... he talked the talk but just couldn't or wouldn't walk the walk. Not for me, but for 2 little boys that wanted to spend time with him once in awhile. He didn't even say good bye to Gina and that makes me so sad for her, she's been through so much and loves him unconditionally and he breaks her heart over and over. I don't get it. This isn't some mid-life crisis, this is mid-life psychosis. Sorry for friends or family that read this, I mean no offense.
Then on to my latest and not so greatest relationship.... he let us move in while I healed from my surgery and found a place to live.... savior right? he thinks so... well we all know Hunter and Hunter being Hunter does stupid Hunter things... one of which was taking some money he saw off of a desk in the office (which he wasn't suppose to go into) and then some out of my purse... needless to say it was noticed that it was missing.... so Hunter got kicked out. Literally.... so what lesson does a 7 yr old learn when an adult kicks him out of his pseudo home? I'll tell you what he learns... that all men are assholes. So being the family, dysfunctional as we may be, the we are... we all left... all of our stuff is still there and we need to get it. We have an apartment that we may get the keys for tomorrow but may not be able to move until Friday, which is the day I'm supposed to take Shae to the airport.... ask me how that's gonna work?
I feel like crap, my legs and back are killing me... I just wish there was a do-over button.... I'd go way back in time for my do-over....
So once again we find ourselves homeless... at least temporarily... frustrated, wounded... too many tears for all of us and its so hard to not have the other kids blame Hunter. Gavyn did suggest to Hunter that they split the booty so he is a partner in crime... what do you do? I have Hunter started on new meds that make him throw up every morning.... is that the answer to get him to be complicit, compliant, 'normal'? He's Hunter.... he's beautiful and brilliant I don't want to stifle that... but I don't want him in jail either... where do I find the right thing for him? I've looked everywhere and he's been the main source of every relationship argument I've had. I'm mamma bear with him... no one messes with my cub.
I don't see how anyone could get offended at YOU for what you're saying. I get offended at other people. Anyway, I know it's only been a couple of days since you wrote this, but I hope somehow things are already looking better.
ReplyDeleteYaaay Mamabear....don't you give up on that!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI do not know why your life is so full of crap! I do not know what is missing in Steve's that he would choose what he did over all of us, which he'll say he didn't but he did!! Honestly, he just doesn't know what he's doing. I didn't know you were 'kicked out'.....how sensitive is that to what you need???!!!!! I don't understand any of this but I have decided to just quit trying to. I can't mend it or fix it and it isn't my fault anymore. I hope you get on board with me. I would be thrilled to have Mamabear as part of my legacy. [Does that make sense?? Right word??]